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Bringing in Finn: An Extraordinary Surrogacy Story, by Sara Connell
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In 2011, 61-year-old Kristine Casey delivered the greatest gift of all to her daughter, Sara Connell: Sara’s son, Finnean. Kristine—the gestational carrier of Sara and her husband Bill’s child—then became the oldest woman ever to give birth in Chicago.
While Finnean’s birth made local headlines, Sara’s memoir will inspire the nation with this modern family’s remarkable—and untold—story: of the parents who wanted nothing more than to have a baby, and the mother who would do anything for her daughter.
After unsuccessfully trying to conceive naturally, years of fertility treatments, and three lost pregnancies, Sara and Bill began giving up hope of bringing a baby to term. When Kristine offered to be their surrogate, they were shocked—but after serious consideration and dozens of medical exams, the three embarked upon the miraculous undertaking that culminated in Finnean’s birth.
Connell’s memoir recounts the heartbreak of losing pregnancies; the process of opening herself to the idea of her mother carrying her child; and the profound bond that blossomed between mother and daughter as a result.
Inspiring and ultimately triumphant, Bringing in Finn is a tale of despair, hope, and redemption—and the discovery that with unconditional love there are no limits to what can be achieved.
- Sales Rank: #275306 in eBooks
- Published on: 2012-09-04
- Released on: 2012-09-04
- Format: Kindle eBook
Review
"Riveting narrative trumps all, and readers found it here in spades: After an ordeal of fertility treatments and lost pregnancies, the author and her husband accept her 61-year-old mother’s offer to become the gestational carrier of their child—a saga that transforms a strained mother-daughter bond and creates a new family."
—ELLE magazine
“Sara Connell burns through abstract questions about the ethics and limits of medicalized fertility and gets to the heart of things. The result is a powerful testament to the depth and complexity of mother love. “
—Ariel Gore, founding editor of Hip Mama and the author of Bluebird
“Sara Connell’s journey to motherhood is a modern miracle. Her lyrical book chronicles an adventure that leads us into uncharted territory. Connell reaches deep into her heart to write about the desire for children, the sacred trust of marriage, the enduring bonds between mothers and daughters, and the sustaining power of hope. I couldn’t put it down.”
—Dominique Browning, Senior Director, Moms Clean Air Task Force
“Be prepared to be blown away. Bringing in Finn is about a family so determined to bring a baby into the world that they push every convention possible and succeed in making a miracle.”
—Michelle Lowe, playwright, author of Inana, winner of the 2010 Francesca Primus Prize
“Bringing in Finn is a must-read for anyone who is in any stage of yearning—for a child, for a mother, for a family, for faith. This is a story for anyone with an unfulfilled longing or desire.”
—Christie Tate, author of Outlaw Mama
“…this is an amazing journey, beautifully shared. It calls us to celebrate what matters most, persevere in times of despair, and know the Truth that Love always prevails.”
—Marian Baker, author of Wake Up Inspired
"Bringing in Finn is Sara’s bracingly honest memoir, and it’s a testament to the power of family. Far from being sensational, it’s a moving and inspiring look at unusual choices made with love."
—Reader's Digest
"The remarkable story of a family coming together when a 61-year-old woman becomes a surrogate carrier for her infertile daughter."
—Shelf Awareness
About the Author
Sara Connell is an author, speaker, and life coach with a private practice in Chicago. A frequent media contributor, Sara has appeared on Oprah, NPR, WGN, and FOX News Chicago, and will soon appear on Good Morning America, Nightline, and The View. Sara's writing has been featured in: ELLE, Good Housekeeping, Parenting, Psychobabble, Evolving Your Spirit, and Mindful Metropolis. Her first book, Bringing in Finn: An Extraordinary Surrogacy Story, was nominated for ELLE magazine's 2012 Book of the Year. Visit Sara at her website, saraconnell.com, and on Facebook. She lives in Chicago, IL.
Most helpful customer reviews
8 of 8 people found the following review helpful.
Beautiful Book that Transcends its Tabloidy Premise
By Elizabeth
I was totally prepared to hate this book. The tabloidy premise, which is a non-fiction account about a woman who has difficulty carrying a pregnancy to term and uses her mother as a surrogate, could have gone horribly wrong in a lot of different ways. However, what I discovered was a very thoughtful account of the desire to mother that led the author to this very unusual decision.
The author is a life coach and speaker by trade which is probably why the book is so grounded in terms of her ability to examine her feelings and motivations in an accessible and interesting way. Although I don't have children and don't particularly want them, her very passionate writing about her desire to have a child with her husband and her pain at not being able to do so made me feel very invested in her quest.
I would warn anyone who has any sort of gynecological trauma in their past that Connell's experience of miscarriage and the multitude of doctors she deals with in her quest to have a baby might be too painful to read. However, I would highly recommend book this for someone looking to investigate what IVF or other fertility treatments entail or for anyone who is interested in thinking more broadly about the meaning of mothering in our society.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
interesting
By Sandra Dunn
I think I saw this family on Oprah before she left her show..what an amazing thing that the author's Mom had her baby..the story was pretty interesting..I did feel a little bogged down in the infertility details and the new agey meditation stuff and wanted to know more about the author and her families personal feelings..I also felt like the author blamed a lot of her infertility problems on using birth control pills for 9 years...most of my friends took them longer than that with no issues..I personally took them for 19..not a typo..19 years and had my beautiful daughter at age 37..first try...no issues..so I think the problem might have been a combo of her previous ovarian issues..her low body weight..etc...I'm not her physician or her and we all different..just saying I had a completely different experience and other women shouldn't freak out about taking Birth Control Pills for long periods, because it can be just fine.
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful.
Review: Bringing in Finn
By Michele
Last week, I was asked to review Bringing in Finn which, according to the press release, centered around "one woman's hard-fought and often painful journey to motherhood", including "the tragedy and heartbreak of losing pregnancies; the process of opening her heart and mind to the idea of her 61-year-old mother carrying her child for her; and the profound bond that blossomed between mother and daughter as a result of their unique experience together."
When I first read the premise of the book, I debated on whether or not to review it. Although infertility, pregnancy loss, and parenting after loss are extremely relevant to me, as a practicing Catholic, Peter and I had nixed IVF (and therefore things like gestational hosts and surrogates) from our fertility treatment possibilities a decade ago. Was I really the right person to read a book that's premise rests on that? Could I do it without bias and without projecting my personal beliefs about the process itself onto the book? After meditating about it for a bit, I ultimately decided that I could; after all, I work with clients all the time who have made choices that I wouldn't personally make. And I'm really glad that I agreed; while my personal views remain the same, I highly recommend this book for those battling through the trenches of infertility, suffering the devastation of loss, and those who have struggled with connecting with their parents- especially with a mother/daughter connection- on a deeper level, as well as anyone pursuing surrogacy. Mrs. Connell writes with a voice that is passionate and real; it is not surprising that she is a successful life coach and workshop speaker. As I read through the book (which I began on Thursday evening and finished Friday afternoon because it captured me that much), I felt that I was sitting next to this stunningly attractive mother on my sofa and she was unabashedly (and with language that mirrors my own at times!) opening up the heart and soul of the 6+ years of infertility and loss that ultimately led to her 'bringing in' her son Finnean.
Part of the connection was that with her Irish looks, she looks a lot like one of my dear friends. The honesty in her language was another. Like me, she had a history of sexual abuse, and our infertility and loss stories were so achingly similar that it hurt. Even though our paths diverged, our outcomes are so close: we are both mothers who are parenting after a difficult war with infertility and the heartbreak that comes with the loss of beloved children. We are mothers who, like those in the ALI community, choose to break the silence that has plagued our grandmothers and even our mothers and share with others the walk that we've taken.
Bringing in Finn begins with something many of us are familiar with: aching arms. After trying alternative options for getting her womanly health and fertility on track after she learned about the ill-effects of hormonal birth control and stopped using contraception altogether, Sara Connell and her husband, Bill, seek out the help of a reproductive endocrinologist and ultimately proceed with caution into the world of in-vitro fertilization. When they conceive fraternal twin boys, they are overjoyed. But when Sara begins bleeding and an emergency cerclage fails, she wakes from the fog of general anesthesia to learn that her sweet sons were delivered stillborn by Cesarean and that she almost died herself. With depth and honesty, she delves into the shards of her broken heart to walk the reader through her grief journey. There is no self-pity; neither is their shame in the fact that this happened to her. Instead, she openly expresses her anger, sorrow, and frustration; you are there with her- in the blinding lights of the hospital, on the floor as she sobs, bravely at her side as she hands over items to be cremated with her sons, sitting with her as she gazes at the shrine she and her husband prepare at their home for their sons. Her words are raw; her feelings are valid and, for the reader who knows this path (or is just beginning it), they are validating.
As the book continues, we see the emotional and financial turmoil of continuing IVF. She shares the sadness of a chemical pregnancy, of not getting pregnant at all, and the miscarriage of a singleton in the first trimester. In her honesty, Sara touches on the desperation, fear, and hope that are swelling inside of her in her quest to mother a living child, while at the same time openly discussing the strained relationship with her parents that she has struggled with since childhood.
But loss changes you. And it changes those who love you.
Vowing to open herself to her family, Sara talks to her parents about her struggles to conceive and, in her losses, she comes to find someone in her corner that she never imagined: her mother, Kristine. Having always viewed their daughter a bit flippantly in light of her alternative healing choices and career path, Sara is shocked when her mother shows up at a seminar she is teaching. But there is a greater shock yet to come: after meditating on what her life in retirement should embody, Kristine drops the bomb. She believes that she- even after menopause and on the cusp of 60 years old- should carry Sara and Bill's baby.
The book could read like an awful reality show or try to inspire heartwarming fuzzy feelings like those happy-ever-after baby shows, but it doesn't. Instead, Sara is brutal in her feelings- the joys, the happiness, the envy and jealousy.
"I felt brittle that morning...I wanted to be the one sitting in the...chair. I wanted to feel the baby moving in my body...I was not unconditionally at a point where I felt grateful for my body's inability to carry our children, but our path had already revealed undeniable gifts. I was experiencing a physical intimacy with my mother that I had likely not had since I was inside her womb. The love I felt seemed to burn away what had caused us pain... I'd heard clients speak of experiencing such relational transcendence when they were with a parent as the parent died. Yet we were being given this experience while bringing in a life." (pg.253)
As the book closes in on Finn's birth, she openly talks about the desire that somehow the medical staff could transport the ready-to-be-born Finnean into her womb so that she, herself, could deliver him, both having that experience while at the same time, sparing her mother the pain of labor and, ultimately, a C-section. Sara doesn't sugarcoat the sadness of being unable to breastfeed (she did prepare and was able to nurse for a short time) or her feelings of brokenness. But in the places where the book could fall into self-loathing or create its own pity party, she uses her honesty to keep on point. In no way is her story happy-go-lucky, but in a way that, no doubt, has helped numerous clients, she maintains balance and integrity and finds not only motherhood in her loss and in the successful delivery of Finnean, but also a daughterhood that she thought was lost forever. Bringing in Finn is more than a story of infertility, loss, and surrogacy; it is the story of mothers and daughters, of heartache and triumph, of suffering and healing. She sums up her story beautifully in the Epilogue:
"Before you name [situations] as broken and bad, consider that there may be something profound and important- not just for you, but for a greater good- that could not come any other way... I liked the idea of being open to chosen-ness, contemplating how even the broken-seeming parts of my story were and could be a portal for good. Perhaps I had been chosen. Perhaps we all had been." (pg.313)
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